


Serenade of Self-Destruction

by tillthestarsevaporate



Category: Throne of Glass Series - Sarah J. Maas
Genre: Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst and Romance, Angst with a Happy Ending, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Enemies to Lovers, Explicit Consent, F/F, First Kiss, Friendship/Love, Love Confessions, Temporarily Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-05
Updated: 2019-01-05
Packaged: 2019-10-05 00:53:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,513
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17315000
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tillthestarsevaporate/pseuds/tillthestarsevaporate
Summary: Lysandra is devastated after the group departs with Evangeline and Aelin tries to comfort her.This takes place after chapter 5 of Empire of Storms, when Aelin, Aedion, and Lysandra part ways with Rowan, Evangeline, and Fleetfoot. The story cuts to some other parts of Aelin’s storyline in Empire of Storms. So spoilers ahead if you haven’t read up to Queen of Shadows, including The Assassin’s Blade (please read The Assassin’s Blade!) Only mild spoilers for Empire of Storms.I might write a part 2 to this, so let me know what you think! Thanks for reading!





	Serenade of Self-Destruction

**Author's Note:**

> "We are stuck in the night  
> Ancient power will strike  
> Feel the Fire"  
> -from Once Upon a Nightmare by Epica.

Lysandra walks onward, following Aelin and Aedion. It’s been raining for days and she’s glad for it. The raindrops are helping her hide her tears. She’s never been away from Evangeline for an extended period of time. Not only does she miss her company, but she’s also worried about her, even though everyone confirmed that Lord Murtaugh can be trusted.

She bumps into something and looks up. Aedion had stopped and, in her reverie, she hadn’t seen him. 

“Sorry,” she mutters. 

“I think we should make camp here for the night,” Aelin says. “The sun will set soon.”

Aedion nods. “I’ll go get some firewood,” he says, and leaves without waiting for an answer.

“Are you okay?” Aelin asks. Lysandra shakes her head, and it’s like she has forgotten how to reign her tears in. They leave their sockets in sobs. 

She feels hands on her arms, and a moment later Aelin had guided them to a log and they sat down. Aelin puts her arms around Lysandra’s shoulders and Lysandra’s tears wet Aelin’s collarbone. 

“Sorry,” she says between sobs.

“Don’t you dare worry about that,” Aelin reprimands, pulling Lysandra closer to her chest until she’s holding her entire body. 

Lysandra feels Aelin’s hand move up and down her back. The soothing attempt is working, and her nose slowly starts pulling air in again. She sniffs. 

“It’s all right, Lysandra. I’m here.” Another comforting touch on her back.

Lysandra starts to pull away, but Aelin isn’t having it and she pulls her even closer. She takes a deep breath and hugs Aelin back.

They stay like that for what feels like ages. The downpour eventually slows down with the setting sun and Aelin finally lets Lysandra out of her embrace. Lysandra inhales Aelin’s scent before reluctantly pulling away.

“Aedion is on his way back, and I have a feeling you wouldn’t want him to see you like this,” Aelin says, winking at her. Little does she know how completely and irrevocably wrong she is. 

It’s not Aedion’s presence that makes her heart flutter, it’s Aelin’s.

A moment later, Aedion appears out of the trees as if Aelin actually summoned him. Maybe she did. Lysandra didn’t really understand much about fae powers.

 

~~~~

 

Back when she worked for Arobynn, she’d hated how Aelin- she had always suspected Celaena wasn’t her real name - had so easily made up her mind about her without getting to know her. When they were reunited and Lysandra gave her Wesley’s letter, they started to connect over their hate for Arobynn. And when she accidentally discovered she is in fact Aelin Galathynius, her respect for her had begun to grow and she really wanted to help; she started smuggling information of Arobynn’s movements to Aelin. 

During that time, they had bonded over books and chocolate. That’s when Lysandra’s feelings for Aelin had grown, and when she came with her team to save her from the king, that was the killing blow, the penultimate proof that Aelin genuinely cared for her. Since then, Lysandra had been watching from afar, not wanting to complicate Aelin’s life further by confessing to her feelings.

Aelin had then sealed the deal when she had freed her from all her debts and given her a piece of land to her name.

Lysandra has been smitten since then.

 

~~~~

 

The next day while they’re walking, Aelin slows down and tells Aedion to lead the way. Lysandra is yet to thank Aelin after she helped her the day before, and is glad Aedion is ahead and out of earshot. She hoped he wouldn’t misuse his fae hearing.

“Aelin,” Lysandra starts. “I didn’t get the chance to say it last night. Thank you.”

“For what?” Aelin smiles and reaches for her hand. Lysandra feels a slight tug at her chest. She returns Aelin’s smile. 

“For making me feel better when I cried.”

“I know, dummy. I just meant that it was no problem at all,” Aelin says and squeezes her hand.

Lysandra nods. “ Is there something you wanted to say when you told Aedion to lead?”

“What? Don’t I get to spend some alone with my favourite person?”

Lysandra blushes and tries to cover it by laughing, when she glimpses Aelin watching her.

“I wanted to make sure you were fine after last night. I did not get to talk to you all day,” Aelin’s expression turns somber.

“Oh, I’m fine. It means a lot that you asked.”

“Of course I asked!” Aelin frowns, looking at Lysandra. 

Lysandra shrugs, a tiny smile playing on her lips.

“Lysandra. I know how you feel, so if you ever need to talk, I’m here. I hope you know that. Regardless of how busy I get reclaiming my kingdom”

“I know.”

“Good. Because I can’t stand you when you’re crying.”

Lysandra frowns playfully, and Aelin grins. 

“That’s the smile I love.” She gives Lysandra a warm smile. “Seriously, though, it kills me to see you so upset.”

Lysandra’s stomach is invaded by butterflies in rapid succession, and she wishes in that moment that she had the courage to spill everything to Aelin. Alas, she isn’t brave enough, so she just keeps walking, feeling Aelin’s intense gaze on her every now and then. She says nothing, and Aelin keeps moving forward as well.

She did not let go of her hand. 

 

~~~~

 

Days later, the group secures passage by sea. 

Aelin and Lysandra’s interactions over these days have mainly consisted of Aelin trying to be nice to Lysandra, and Lysandra pushing her away. She hated herself for it, but settled on the fact that she needs to protect her heart. She doesn’t need Aelin saying another stupid thing that causes her to almost admit to her feelings. They’re better off hidden.

They’ve been on the ship for days, and Aelin is yet to cease her attempts to make Lysandra talk to her.

“Good morning,” comes Aelin’s greeting one day when she sees her on deck. 

Lysandra has to force herself to not smile. “Morning,” she says in the coldest tone she can muster.

Aelin sighs. 

“Another day of snide remarks, I can deal with that. I told you I won’t stop until you tell me what’s happened.”

“Nothing happened.”

“I am not stupid, Lysandra. Something changed that day we talked on our way here.”

Lysandra doesn’t answer. Of course she hasn’t thought Aelin is stupid. However, it still hits her in the face when Aelin hints that she knows when the change happened.

“Try all you want. You’ll find nothing because nothing is wrong.”

“Is that a challenge? You know I won’t give up.”

Lysandra doesn’t respond.

“Or you can just tell me and save me the time.”

Lysandra simply raises an eyebrow, but her acknowledgement seems to encourage Aelin further.

“Did I do something? Tell me. Please.”

Nothing.

“I miss spending time with you,” Aelin says, her expression turning grim.

Still nothing.

“Please,” Aelin whispers, and the way she says it breaks her heart. 

Lysandra looks at her.

“I’m sorry.” Two words from Aelin, and a touch on Lysandra’s arm. She flinches and the hurt in Aelin’s eyes is unmistakable. 

“Breakfast.” Aedion shouts from their room. 

Aelin heads in the direction of his voice and says nothing else for the rest of the day.

 

~~~~

 

The sun disappears for the day, and so does Lysandra’s doubt that she genuinely hurt her best friend.

It’s Aedion’s turn to stand guard tonight, which leaves Aelin and Lysandra alone in their room.

Lysandra lies in bed in darkness. She hears the sound of Aelin’s breathing. For a moment, she considers apologising right then and there, but falls asleep before her heart and brain finish their endless debate.

 

~~~~

 

One moment she is thinking about Aelin, the next she is in bed with Arobynn. The night she killed him. Except this time, he catches her hand before she can reach for the dagger.

“What do you think you’re doing, shapeshifter?”

He reaches under the pillow and grabs the dagger, slicing her throat before her alarm registers. 

Lysandra opens her eyes, expecting to see Arobynn still standing over her.

“Lysandra,” he says, but the voice is distinctly female. 

She stares at the figure, wide-eyed, and it takes her a moment to realise it’s Aelin standing there. She shivers as she realises it was all a dream.

“It’s okay. It was just a nightmare. You’re okay now,” Aelin whispers and reaches for Lysandra’s cheeks. They’re wet, and Aelin hesitates for only a second before wiping them with the edge of her hand. “I’m here now.”

“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry, Aelin.”

“Oh, come now. It doesn’t matter. You’re all right.”  

Aelin holds Lysandra’s gaze as she reaches for her, rubbing her hands up and down her arms. “It’s okay,” she repeats. “Everything is okay.”

The tears continue to fall down her cheek and she doesn’t know what to do.

“I’m so sorry,” she apologises again. Aelin tilts her head and smiles sadly.

“Come here.” Aelin doesn’t hesitate as she pulls Lysandra in for an embrace. A strong embrace, and she never felt this safe in someone’s arms. She moves closer and Aelin’s arms tighten around her.

Lysandra feels the nightmare fading, the crying lessening. A deep breath. Aelin pulls away and looks at her.

“Do you want to talk about it?”

Lysandra shakes her head. “You should go to sleep.”

Aelin shakes her head in determination. “Not until I make sure you’re fine.”

“I’m just scared to go back to sleep right now.”

“Yeah. I’ve been up since last night, actually.”

“All the more reason to sleep. Go. I’ll be fine.”

“I can’t leave you like this, no,” Aelin says, and when Lysandra still insists, she offers, “How about I sleep right here? That way I’ll feel you if you have another nightmare.”

It takes Lysandra a moment to realise what Aelin was suggesting, but she is too scared to care. 

“All right,” Lysandra agrees.

Aelin smiles and gets the makeshift bed ready, smoothing the crumpled sheets. Lysandra watches her as she lays on her side, her head on the pillow. 

“Come here,” she whispers. 

Lysandra moves from her sitting position and lays on her back next to Aelin, scared to get too close or her heart might explode. Aelin moves closer instead.

“Here, turn around,” she tugs Lysandra closer, turning her so they are both facing the same side of the bed, Lysandra in front of Aelin. 

Lysandra moves closer, trying to adjust her position, and Aelin wraps her in her arms, her face nuzzling Lysandra’s neck. Aelin finally holds her hands, and after a few seconds of nervousness, the feeling of safety claims Lysandra and she relaxes.

_ Is this love? _ is the last thought that goes through her mind before she succumbs to sleep in her best friend’s arms.

 

~~~~

 

The next morning, Lysandra opens her eyes to see Aelin sitting in bed beside her. Watching her.

“Good morning,” Aelin smiles.

Lysandra gives her a clipped smile, feeling awkward about the night before. If anything, she should distance herself from Aelin even more. Her heart is at risk, and there aren’t many walls left to be torn down. She opts for one-word responses to Aelin’s various proddings.

“Did you sleep well?” 

“Yes. Thank you.”

“Of course,” Aelin says. “Breakfast is ready. And by breakfast I mean Aedion’s burned eggs. I can’t for the life of me figure out how someone can burn eggs!”

Lysandra can’t help but laugh. She’s always loved Aelin’s jokes, even when they had hated each other.

Aelin smiles. “Of course I threw those away and told him that I can’t let someone I care about eat such rubbish. And to think he cares about me.”

Lysandra giggles. Gods, her walls are being plucked from the ground brick by brick. “What’s for breakfast, then?”

“I tried something I haven’t done before. I used my fire to cook the fish you caught for us yesterday.”

“Hmmm… how does it taste?”

“I don’t know. Let’s find out together. It should still be warm.”

Aelin smiles, and Lysandra returns it with one of her own. 

Aelin leaves and comes back minutes later with the fish. They start eating right away, and Lysandra devours her portion.

“Are you going to eat that?” she looks up from her food to find Aelin observing her and grinning.

“What?” Lysandra asks.

“You look so cute with all that food in your mouth. Here, I won’t eat all that.” Aelin offers her plate to her. Lysandra looks Aelin in the eye for only a second. She takes the plate and devours its contents faster than should be possible without choking.

“I was so hungry!” Lysandra says, feeling her playful self re-emerging. “Thank you!”

“My pleasure,” Aelin purrs.  _ This _ makes Lysandra choke. She starts coughing, and Aelin, smirking, hands her a cup of water.

“You okay?”   
“Yes, yes,” Lysandra says once she recovers. “I don’t know what happened.”

Of course she knows.

 

~~~~

 

It was once again Aedion taking watch that night. 

Aelin returned to the room to get ready to sleep. Instead, she walked to the door to see Lysandra standing next to the bed they had shared the night before. Her back was partially exposed and Aelin glimpsed the edge of a scar, faded to a pale red colour. She inhales sharply. She hadn’t expected Lysandra to not have any scars - no one who worked for Arobynn emerged unscathed - but she still felt angry when she saw them on Lysandra. 

_ That son of a bitch! _

Aelin controls her breathing before she makes her presence known to her friend. She knocks on the door.

Lysandra turns around quickly. At the sight of Lysandra’s exposed stomach, Aelin feels her face heat up, her fire tugging at her insides.  

“How long have you been standing here?” Lysandra is the picture of composure and comeliness. It’s disarming.

“I didn’t see anything,” Aelin stutters. So unlike her. She had known she had feelings for Lysandra, but she didn’t expect her body to react so obviously to the sight of the other woman’s naked skin.

“Says only someone who has actually seen something.”

“True.” A fluster. A sharp breath. Aelin stares and Lysandra stands still.

“Close the door, Aelin. Please,” comes Lysandra’s impatient scowl. 

She feels her hands move of their own accord, reaching for the door.

“No. You stay,” Lysandra whispers and walks towards Aelin, letting her shirt move down her torso, hiding her previously exposed skin. She puts her hand on Aelin’s to stop her from closing the door while she’s outside, tugs her inside, and shuts the door. 

Aelin suddenly finds the floor very interesting. “I’ll just go to sleep now. You do your thing,” she says.

“Aelin.” She doesn’t answer. “Look at me.”

She looks from the floor, glances at Lysandra’s solemn eyes, holds her gaze. 

_ Beautiful _ , she thinks. Lysandra’s hand moves from hers, up her arm, tentatively resting there just before reaching her shoulder.

“Is that okay?” she asks. 

Aelin closes her eyes, nods. Her breath hitches when Lysandra moves her hand further up to Aelin’s shoulder. Her neck. Her cheek. A finger slowly kisses her lips. Another sharp intake of air.

“Can I?” Lysandra whispers, and Aelin nods her permission, her eyes still closed, hoping beyond hope that Lysandra is asking if she can kiss her. 

A moment passes, then Aelin feels the light behind her eyes dim. She opens them to see Lysandra’s face approaching, her lips inches away from hers. Her eyes travel up to Lysandra’s, and the distance is suddenly too much to bear. She closes it and brings her lips to Lysandra’s, finally, the contact sending shivers down her spine. She wants to feel more, more, more. She pulls her closer. Chest to chest. Lips pushing harder, insistent. She opens her mouth, asking for permission, and Lysandra obliges. Tongues meet in explosive sparks. Hands roam bodies.

Aelin is on fire. 

She pulls away, breathes hard. She hears Lysandra panting.

“You okay?” she asks.

“Honestly? No,” Aelin answers.

“Should I have not done-”

“No!” Aelin says, emboldened. “There are so many things I want to do with you right now, but burning the ship isn’t one of them.”

Lysandra giggles. 

_ That laugh. _ Sometimes she wishes she had a different kind of power.

Without warning, Lysandra moves her face close to hers again. She looks her in the eye and whispers, “I don’t care right now.” She cups Aelin’s cheeks. “If I don’t kiss you again, I’ll die anyway.” She crashes her lips into hers. 

Aelin swears under her breath and prays she can control her powers.

 

~~~~

 

Lysandra cannot fathom where her courage came from. She was changing into her night clothes one moment, and the next thing she knows, Aelin is standing in the doorway, staring at her. 

And now they were kissing. She truly can’t get enough. For so long she’s wanted this, and now she has it. 

Of course she was savouring it.

Without breaking the kiss, she pulls Aelin to the bed. Aelin pulls away to breathe, and Lysandra admires the beauty that is Aelin Galathynius, admires her strength. 

Aelin joins their lips again, hands moving up her torso, under her shirt.

“The shirt that started it all,” Lysandra pulls away from the kiss and purrs. “Good choice. Let’s get rid of it.” 

Aelin grins and makes quick work of pulling the shirt over the other woman’s head. She stares, and Lysandra just watches her face as she recovers.

“Arobynn did this.” Not a question. Lysandra nods.

“It’s okay. He’s gone and can’t hurt us anymore,” Lysandra says.

Aelin pulls off her own shirt in an answer. She shakes her head, takes Lysandra’s hands in hers.

“I’m so sorry,” Aelin says. “I should have protected you from him instead of trying to run away.”

“It’s over now.”

“I promise you, Lysandra, as long as I breathe, I will do everything I can to protect you.”

Lysandra feels a tug behind her eyes, but commands her tears to stay where they are for a few more moments. She pulls Aelin for another kiss. And another. 

And another.

 

~~~~

 

Aelin feels Lysandra’s face getting wet and pulls away. She wipes the tears with the back of her hands.

“You’re fine. We’re fine. I won’t let anything happen to us.” Aelin wishes she could take away all the hurt from  _ her  _ Lysandra.

She is hers, yes.

She is surprised that she so easily called her that in her head. 

Aelin reached for Lysandra’s chin and pulls her face up to catch her gaze. 

“I’m going to tell you something, but promise me you’ll hear it without turning feral like the time I said I hate seeing you so sad.”

“You knew.”

“Of course I knew. You underestimate me.”

Lysandra gives her a sideways smile.

“So,” Aelin continues. “Can I? Say something?”

“Go on,” she says, taking a deep breath.

“Right. Something else first.”

“What?”

Aelin picks up their shirts from the floor, stalling. “It’s cold.” She hands Lysandra her shirt, and they both pull theirs on.

“Now,” Aelin resumes. 

“Yes, please go on.” Lysandra nods as she sits down on the bed next to Aelin.

A long breath. “Here goes. I think I’m in love with you.”

“Oh.”

Aelin waits for a response.

“Aelin-”

“It’s okay. You don’t have to say it back.”

“Aelin-”

“I just had to say it.”

“Aelin, please let me finish.”

A nod, and Aelin feels her vision start to blur.

“Aelin. Aelin. Aelin.” She repeats her name like a song. “You said I underestimate you. You knew why I was upset. How can you not see this too?”

“See what?”

“How can I not love you after everything you’ve done for me?”

“You’re saying-”

“I love you, yes. I love you, Aelin Ashryver Galathynius.”

Aelin’s vision now is completely blurred, and she wipes at her eyes to properly look at Lysandra.

“Let me,” Lysandra says, gently pulling Aelin’s hands away and wiping the tears with her own.

Slowly, they fade and smiles play tricks on Aelin’s lips.

“We need to sleep. It’s late,” Lysandra says, but Aelin wishes she could bask in this moment for a little longer, especially knowing the long road she has ahead, the road to reclaim her kingdom.

Aelin gets up to turn off the lights and returns to the bed, all the while feeling Lysandra’s intent gaze following her. 

Aelin lays on her side. “You know the drill,” she smiles at Lysandra and pats the bed next to her. She obliges and positions herself in Aelin’s arms.

She wraps her arms around her and holds her hands like they did the night before. 

In her new favourite way to sleep, Aelin closes her eyes and holds Lysandra close. So close.

She opens them again and presses a kiss to the back of Lysandra’s neck. “Good night.”

“Sweet dreams,” Lysandra says.

Her voice and the feel of her body against hers are the last things Aelin Ashryver Galathynius thinks about before she drifts into dreamless, peaceful sleep. Her first in forever, and hopefully the first of many.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading!  
> Please comment and let me know if you would like a second part to this.


End file.
